She Matter

The black middle class and womanhood.

The historical significance of women in black society seem to be loosing meaning, if it has not already happened. Historically, women are at the centre of society. Mothering, teaching, leading, cooking and beauty. A black family is a family because of a woman.

It is a known fact that no man can be successful and have stature in society without a woman by his side. A man can never be respected if he remains single beyond a certain age. Family brings pride and recognition to a man. The central theme of family to a black man is respect, success and pride.

Family is the centre of values in Afrikan society. The value system is taught and refined at home for every child. It is this role that places such a high importance on cultural knowledge for women. For it is women who will eventually pass this knowledge to children when they finally establish their own families. Mosadi ke tshiya ya lelapa. Contrary to popular belief, a woman has a higher stature in society than a man does.

It is quite distrubing to note black women and their view of family. While it is understable for some of them to feel the way they do about family, it does not really justify the behaviour. Black women today equate financial independence with the need not to have men in their lives. What is even worse is the fact that they all want children but not the fathers of the children. So men are sort of baby making machines for them.

This points to broken family values for our black women.

Since black sisters don't want men in their lives, we now have a pandemic of singe mothers across the country. Single motherhood is the in-thing for them.

What will be the final consequence of this trend to black society? The very first visible signs are the erosion of family values. Kids from single mothers grow up not to know the role of men in family. Fathers become a novel concept to them, one they grow up never to experience. This, I believe, absolbs young people from the knowledge of what role men are supposed to play in society.

Of course the blame can't entirely be placed on black women alone. Black men of today also don't see family as a valid concept. Afrikan brothers now view family from a financial perspective, where their life partners must conform to stereotypes such as being educated, finacially stable and well connected. To them family is just another business transaction.

Some men are intimidated by successful women. So the moment their partners become successful they abondon them for women in their "class". But many times these men cannot be blamed for leaving their successful partners. Afrikan women unfortunately equate success with money, influence and power. This power they extend to family where they become arrogant and disrepectful to their partners. Unfortunately men are not well receptive to being controlled, historically. When a woman continually insists on becoming dominant in a relationship, men tend to pack and leave.

Does money, class and education have to play a role in social relations? It seems people have forgotten that personal relations are based on mutual respect and understanding. For as long as women associate their financial success with control, we have a long way to go.